v3: ok a little lol to kick things off.

Dear Neighbors,

As many of you have recently noticed, I have given up wearing pants around my house.  I apologize for any inconvenience this may have already caused and am writing today to explain my decision in hopes of reducing any future awkwardness surrounding the issue.

Many of you have hypothesized on my reasons for this — Mr. R’s “batshit crazy” is the most colorful phrase that comes to mind — but none of you have landed on the obvious.  My friends, I have given pants up not because something is wrong, but because something is right.  This neighborhood is more than a collection of buildings and people, it is my home.  My wandering around without pants is a testament to how well we all get along and to how thoroughly you have welcomed my wife and me since we first moved in four years ago. Thank you for everything.  I’m sure this misunderstanding is just a little blip in what will no doubt be a life-long friendship.

At the meeting you convened to address my new found relaxation — which, quite frankly, I thought would have had more of a celebratory tone than it turned out — I was surprised to hear my boxers described as “ancient, ragged and ill-fitting”.  I have spoken with many of you about our collective obsessions — Mr. A. collects decks of cards from around the world, Ms. S. collects porcelain unicorns.  Is my collection of collegiate boxers so odd?  They are my passion and my inspiration.  I think you’ll agree that the world would be a better place if we all shared our interests so openly!

And finally, to Mrs. F., I must apologize for startling you at 3 am when I had to pop out to my car for the medication I had left in a cup holder.  Let me correct myself, it was 3 am in Tokyo, about which I had just been reading, and I was so engrossed that I didn’t realize that it was approximately 2 pm local time.  In any case, I would like to apologize to you, your mother, and to your mother’s friends from church.  It was not my intention to startle them as thoroughly as I apparently did when I, for lack of a better phrase, fell out of my prized Michigan State boxers (go Spartans!).  If that happens again, you are certainly welcome to bring it up at the beginning our conversation rather than 10 minutes into my discourse on the shenanigans of the local hooligans.

Friends, let me assure you that I wish you, your families and the neighborhood the best regardless of the state of my clothing.  If I can be of any assistance, please feel free to call me directly, without police involvement (Mrs K. — always such a kidder!).

All the best,

Reid

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